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My heart is so heavy...

Last week, my mother was approved for the VA Center in Sulphur, Oklahoma.  She has Alzheimer's and I've been her full-time caretaker for three years and a month.  Her whole world was me and my total focus was her.

Recently, her physician told me to be proactive on getting her a place to live with a quality medical staff.  He said if she fell again, she would more than likely break a bone.  Once she breaks a bone, she will be put into the hospital, then a nursing home.  If she is in a nursing home, she will never come home again.  So....by being proactive, we selected the home that we wanted instead of being forced to use one of lesser quality.  The VA home has state-of-the-art equipment and an amazing and caring staff.

She moved in on Wednesday.  I told her we were going to see the doctor about her legs and hips (because they hurt so much).  By 12 noon, she said she had been living there since WWII.  The transition was very smooth and confirmed the need for medically assisted living.  She was so tired from the day, she slept very well all night.

Thursday, I was running late so when I walked in, she was already eating lunch.  She was holding herself up beautifully and minding her manners.  She said hello and kept eating as if I was just another person in the facility.  My heart sank.  Even though she hasn't known me as a daughter for around two years, now she didn't even recognize me as the one who took care of her for three years. Our history, in her mind, is totally lost...

I've now turned to what's left in my own life.  My husband, so patiently, stood by my side as I cared for my mother.  We made plans to build a new house in the country ....and, although I'm elated to get started on our new life, I'll be living with the sadness in my heart for a while.  He can see it in my eyes and I can't stop the crying when the sadness overwhelms.

On Friday, He took me up to the hill where we'll be living and I enjoyed the entire day out in the woods.  It was quiet and serene.  I enjoyed watching him run the dozer to clear out the trees.  I waited by the fire pit we created on our first camping adventure there.  It was warm outside, but I built a fire anyway.  We had a picnic and relocated a cactus.  We didn't want all of them to get dozed over.  We found out Prickly Pear (the cactus) will shoot tiny splinters when it feels threatened.  We laughed so hard as we pulled them out of our arms, hands and even Jim's mouth and tongue... a funny new memory.

I missed my Peptalk all week, so I'll be starting up again today.  I so need to hear reasons to move on.  Of course, I'll go every week to see mom, but it's time to move on with my life and live it to the fullest.  I have so much to be grateful for and a new life is waiting for me up on the hill out in the country. 

Inspiration

Yay! It's Spring break!  My granddaughter is here this week and we are looking for something to work on!  Do you ever get stuck on deciding what to do next?  That's me this morning.  I have several things lined up, but not sure if I want to drag my girl through the process.  Sometimes it's hard to work on things while entertaining kids!

It was a beautiful day yesterday and looks like another lovely day today.  Perhaps something outside would be fun.  I think I have a painting project or two she can do.

But first, I need to go to my source of motivation to get me started!  Nothing like a good Peptalk to get moving! 

China Hutch Update

I loved the bones on this sturdy piece when my husband brought it home from a local auction.  I debated on the color, keeping in mind the color of things I wanted to display.  I picked this dark blue.

The lighting makes it difficult to get a great photo, so I hope you can see it okay.  The window streams the light heavy on one side.

I went with Renaissance Chalk Paint in Ultramarine 27.  After wiping down the entire hutch and making sure all the gummy parts from who knows what were gone, I was ready to dive in.  The paint instructions read that there was no need to sand anything.  

The paint went on so smooth, I just fell in love with it immediately!

It also dried quickly.

Once the first coat was on, I knew I had picked the right color for me. 

I used a satin white paint inside the cabinet.  Just thought it would be easier to see down there!  I had to do several coats of the white, but only two coats of the blue.  I didn't take any hardware off...just painted right over everything!

After the paint was dried good, I buffed off the high points of the paint and dry brushed on some touches of white to give it the weathered look.  I used a wet cloth and sandpaper.  I went in with a black wax around the edges and grooves, then a clear wax on the flat areas.

The wax really deepened up the color!

I just love the little piece that folds out for serving!  It's in perfect working condition!

I gathered some white, yellow and clear vintage items to finish it up.  Tried to use some Spring inspired items!

This is my first large piece of furniture.  I hope you enjoyed!

Weightloss Update

If I had a nickel for every time I failed, I’d be rich!  If I had a nickel for every time I won, I’d also be rich!  Let’s face it, life is full of ups and downs.  The only thing I’ve proven so far is that I’m old!

This week, I lost my mini-challenge on HealthyWage.com.  I am 1.5 lbs. shy of my goal.  I tried so hard, but my body is slowing down into a plateau. In fact, I didn’t think I would get this close!  My metabolism is also reflecting my age!!!  Eeeek!

With the ups and downs in life, especially with weight loss, it would be so easy to give up!  A little more laying around on the couch, eating delicious food, sneaking some high-calorie snacks sounds pretty good.  But wait…with all that, the extra pounds would show back up, the joints would become painful again and the clothes won’t fit.

What I need here is motivation!

For me, the motivation to lose weight is my biggest obstacle.  Last week, I had to change my daily goals to try to meet my HealthyWage short-term goal.  I had procrastinated on losing weight after the first of the year so I guess I just didn’t get going fast enough.  I didn’t gain any weight, but just couldn’t push myself to lose early enough in the game. 

The first short-term challenge was relatively easy.  I set my goal to lose 1.5 lbs. per week.  My calories were set and I tried to walk thirty minutes a day, three days a week.  It was pretty easy.  I didn’t always lose 1.5 lbs. in a week.  Sometimes it was only 1 lb., sometimes it was 3 lbs.  The pace was perfect.

As I worked to reach my second goal, I was still able to calculate all the lbs. into the timeframe I had left with only a minimal amount of extra effort, even though I had procrastinated (wasting three to four weeks).  I left one thing out of the equation, though….the plateau. 

After losing 24 lbs., I hit my first big plateau.  It came down to the last week and I still had a final 2.7 lbs. to go.  I didn’t lose the 2.7 lbs., instead I lost 1.2 lbs. meaning I lost the mini-challenge.  I really pushed myself to try to get the entire 2.7 lbs. off.  The pain I went through almost makes me want to cry!  Almost.

I say almost because when I look at my app, MyFitnessPal, on my phone, I see the total weight loss and it makes me so very proud!  I’ve lost 25.2 lbs. so far!  That’s HUGE!  Without the challenge, I don’t think I would have gotten this far! 

This week, I’m gonna continue on!  I’m gonna listen to my Peptalk app, watch those calories and keep exercising!  Only 30 lbs. to go in 6 months – still 5 lbs. a month!  I have a smaller mini-challenge ending on the 17 of this month, so I may be able to recoup what I lost. 

I don’t really want to enter another mini-challenge, but I’m gonna do it – win or lose.  That way, I’ll force myself to stay on track for the BIG wager!  The big prize for me on HealthyWage.com will be $2,750!!!  Now that’s some motivation!  

Vignettes: Every Corner Needs Attention

My bathroom got a little update today!  Painting it has been on my slate for quite some time, but haven't felt like it yet.  It's the last room to have a freshed coat of paint.

I didn't let that stop me from doing a little update today, though.  We've been going full steam this past year, not giving any attention to what the room looked like and frankly just haven't cared.  Here's a snap shot of what I focused on.

Yeah...not too good.

As small as my bathroom is, I really needed a cute way to have my toilet paper nearby.  The basket I found around the house is pretty old, but just didn't look right with it's varnished look, so I quickly splashed on some gray paint.  Had to mix the paint again, because all I had was a charcoal gray (almost black) and white. I thought gray was needed to go with the shower curtain.  It looks darker in this photo...  Next, I added some white to a cute frame and changed the towel.  What do you think?

I considered the sign "nice butt" but change my mind.  I thought roses were appropriate!  Maybe I'll use the sign next time.

It's amazing to me what a little change here and there does to a house.  I hope you enjoyed this vignette and you go after your own little change today!  Pick a corner!

100% Cotton Sheets!

I love buying sheets at the Goodwill or second-hand stores.  Some are worn and have a soft feel and others are crisp like they were never used much.  The older ones are interesting because they have beautiful and often forgotten patterns that bring about memories of days gone by.  My intention is to upcycle these sheets into many different projects, but so far, buying them seems to be the true hobby!    I do, however, have these two projects going.  The first one is dinner napkins.  

These particular napkins are made from the newer and more pristine sheets that are 100% cotton.  They are wonderful to work with and feel brand new.  I found a few in these soft colors and patterns which makes them great for Spring!  Next, I’m making more of these tiny pillows.  My new batch needs to be filled and sewn shut.

The pillows are great for people coming out of surgery.  After my own double mastectomy, I received four of them to place under my arms to relieve pressure from the surgical area.  I’m working on several of these and hope they will be useful to someone who needs them.  They make great gifts from people who otherwise don’t know what to do to make the patient feel better.  I absolutely loved and appreciated the gesture when I was given my tiny pillows.

On the horizon, I’m hoping to make some pajama pants and shorts for my granddaughters.  Sheets are the perfect soft and breezy material to use!  Then I’m hoping to branch out into making spring/summer robes.  Those make great bride’s maids gifts!  I’m not planning on getting married, but someone in the family might! 

Finally, I started, but had to abandon it during our last big move in 2017, a girls baby quilt.  It was so fun matching the different sheets from different locations!  Gotta get back to it and maybe we’ll have some baby shower gifts!  Perhaps I need an extra Peptalk to get me going again! 

My Favorite Bag!

I don't get out much, but I ordered this "present" for myself as a celebration for all the hard work I've been doing on my diet!   It's Vera Bradley!

I love the quality in this purse.  This one has a handy recharging place where you can put your battery and cords.  Just thread your charging cord through to the phone pouch and hook up!  Your cord comes out the side pocket where you can place your phone.  How cool is that!

Now I just need a place to go to test this new purse out!  Any suggestions?  Road trip!!!

Click on the Vera Bradley link on this blog to get your own special treat from a quality store! 

It's Time

I was touched by a poem my cousin posted on Facebook last week so I wanted to share the poem here.  His daughter, Cameron Cuevas, is a freshman at Villa Park High School where the student magazine, The Oracle, featured one of her poems in the Winter/Spring 2019 edition.  Cameron has been writing for herself since the 6^th grade and explains her most recent poem.  “People all around us hide behind a mask, because they’re afraid of what people might say when they find out who they really are.  I’ve felt this way for a long time, so that’s why I wrote this piece.” 

Such a brave girl to express her true feelings.  I would say most of us have felt that way at some point in our lives.  I personally have been trying to find the true me hidden under the heavy, often unbearable, layers of perceptions, labels and expectations life imposes.  Below her poem, is a short Q & A with Cameron so we could learn more about her.  I look forward to reading more from this introspective freshman from California! 

IT'S TIME

Negative thoughts fill your mind

Racing a million miles

Forced to stay still

Faking smiles

Laughing at jokes

Pretending to be something you’re not

All a big hoax

Hoping you don’t get caught

Nobody can know you feel this way

Or else you’re perceived as weak

Can’t put that on display

Cause then you’d be a freak

People tell you to be yourself

That’s not an easy task

But then you’d have to say farewell

I know it’s a lot to ask

You have to do things that challenge you

So take off that mask

Make your breakthrough

Yes it may be a high risk

But you have nothing to lose

Give it a chance

You might like what you see

Maybe you could dance in France

Then life might not be so crappy

Q:  At what age did you start writing poetry and what do you think inspires you to keep writing?

A:  I started writing poetry a couple of months ago so I would say I started writing when I was 14.

Q:  What artist (writer, musician, actor, etc.) do you relate to the most and why?

A:  I relate to Khalid the most because his lyrics are really relatable and I just can relate to what he’s saying.

Q:  Explain the toughest part about being a teenager?

A:  The toughest part is probably hiding behind a mask that society gives you and trying to suffocate your emotions to the point where you forget who you are.

Q:  Describe the perfect career for your future?

A:  When I get older, I want to be a school psychologist and that’s what I see myself doing because I want to help teens realize that its okay to accept your emotions.

Q:  Finally, who has been the biggest influence on your life so far and why?

A:  The biggest influence is probably my dad, only because he always supports me and encourages me to keep on going.

Thank you, Cameron!  I wish you great success in high school, with your chosen career field and with the poetry that flows from you!  You will make a difference to so many people!

Finding Projects for Upcycling

Sometimes it can be difficult finding a great upcycling project.  For me, I have about five projects in progress at any one time.  That could be why I keep things out and it always looks like a mess for my husband.  My wheels have been turning about upcycling and creating since I was about 4 years old!  What can you upcycle at age 4?  Ha!  Barbie’s house was a playground for upcycling!  We would look at everything, and I mean everything, for possibilities!  Sock hangers off of new socks  became Barbie’s clothing hangers, empty thread spools became great bases for Barbie’s coffee tables and cardboard could be made into anything from Barbie’s refrigerator to a beautiful dresser mirror. 

     

One of my favorite stories my Mother would tell was when her mother made clothing for her, her siblings and her cousins for school.  In the early years, Grandma would buy fabric from the store, create her own pattern and sew the fabric into the cutest dresses for all the girls.  When they made it to high school, they needed something a little more grown up and pencil skirts were in style.  Grandma came up with a way to keep the girls in style, but yet, save money. She would cut down Grandpa’s gaberdine pants and restyle them into the smartest pencil skirts around.  The girls were tastefully in style.

Today, we must change our mindset about how we see abundance around us.  Over production in the last several decades has made it easy for us to dispose of things so we’ll buy more, more, more.  Finding upcycling projects should be easy! If you’re stuck, here’s a handy list of places I’ve gotten excellent things to upcycle for little to no money.

1.     The closet:  Surely you have clothing that needs to be tossed.  Think about reusing them.  Cut the buttons off, remake the garment or cut into strips for t-shirt yarn.  There’s a million ideas out there on how to upcycle denim.  While you’re at it, check out those cupboards and drawers too.

2.     Packaging:  Almost every day, we receive packaging in some way.  It could be cardboard, plastic bubble wrap or paper stuffing.  It might be a plastic container or egg carton. Take a hard look at what you can reuse and remake.  You may find out you can hack that cute decorative piece you found online by simply using the free supplies you get on a daily basis.

3.     Mail:  I’ve seen some awesome basket weaving, bead making and paper mâché created from reused mail and newspaper.  You can use it in mulch or mulch it down yourself to make a new hand-made paper for crafts. Don’t overlook the paper that flows into your home.

4.     Yard Sales:  With today’s technology, you can find local sale sites on Facebook all over the place.  If you can’t find one, make one!  You can pick up some cash by selling the things you don’t want and, who knows, you may find just the thing you’ve been looking for!  I’ve found some awesome pieces to work with for very low prices!

5.     Goodwill:  Next to buying locally, the Goodwill, Salvation Army and second-hand shops are the bomb!  You just never know what’s going to come in next.  My favorite thing to buy is 100% cotton top sheets with a beautiful pattern.  I have several projects ideas for my sheet stash!

6.     Live Auction:  My all-time favorite place to find projects is a good old-fashioned live auction!  There’s always excitement in the air and the stuff goes cheap!  The problem with auctions is overbuying!  Within a year, you can have a ton of cool stuff to work with.  It’s awesome! I’m getting ready to redo my $3 China hutch Mr. Amazing bought for me last year.  He’s the best auction buyer ever!  He put me into a Cadillac that only cost $175!!!  I’m driving in style and feel so wonderful that there’s no car payments and only minimal car insurance.  I could go on and on about the deals from live auctions!  If you overdo it and find yourself with way too much stuff, just have a live auction of your own to get rid of the excess.  Fun!

7.     Trashcan:  Ummm, okay, I kinda don’t like the idea of dumpster diving….but I can’t dispute that it’s one of the best places to find great stuff!  The best trash can is the one near the recent live auction.  You’d be surprised at what people leave behind.  When we went back to pick up the Cadillac from that extate auction, the lawn of the house was littered with a bunch of unwanted stuff.  I’ve made over $200 off of that particular bunch of free stuff and a bunch of first-edition books.  Caching!  Do that all year long and you’ve got a wonderful and easy side hustle.  Don’t overlook the big trash bins behind stores. I personally haven’t looked, but I hear they're good and have lot's of new stuff that's slightly damaged - perfect for upcycling.

8.     Nature:  Oh my goodness!  Nature is the best place to find some unique and wonderful materials for projects.  Some of my favorites are seashells, rocks, branches, grapevine and brooms weed.  God gave us some beautiful art!  We just have to open our eyes.

9.     Family/Friends:  Most people have that one person, like a grandparent, or aunt or uncle.  For me, my father-in-law has everything!  In his younger days, he would do house repairs and whenever he replaced doors, the owner would give him the old doors.  Then as his personal ministry, he would give the doors to people who didn’t have doors at all!  So sweet!  Anyway, he collected way more doors than he could give away and actually has some pretty cool architectural salvage.  He is more than willing to give me anything my heart desires.

If you know someone that hangs on to things, you might just be in the right place at the right time when friends or family are cleaning out their house.  Help them out and they may give you something in return.  Maybe they don't keep everything, so keep an eye out of things they want to throw away and offer to take it off their hands. Don't ask them for things they are keeping; that would be rude!  But, the things their hauling to the trash bin are fair game.  It’s always a great idea to keep things from going to the dump ground.

10.City-wide Cleanup Day:  Here in Coalgate, OK, we have a city-wide cleanup day.  People clean out their big stuff, putting it on the curb.  So, since it's sitting there to be picked up from the city workers, I have been known to go around and look for something that can be upcycled.  Maybe half of a piece of furniture is useable and will go with half of something I already have. I'm not the type of person to go around and do this, but when I do, I get a partner to go with me.  We don't really want to be seen picking up peoples trash!  haha  But when we do, we try to work quickly usually squealing at the cheap thrill of trying not to get caught!  We revel in the unbelievable scores, laughing the whole way!  Here's one of my favorites.

So there ya go! Ten great ways to find materials for some new projects.  Hey, maybe you don’t want to mess with all those extra things around your house.  That’s okay, you can always turn your attention to yourself and do a big upcycling project of the grandest kind!  Remake yourself by taking an interest in doing what’s best for your health and frame of mind.  Peptalk is a great way to get started with that project!

We live in abundance, Peeps!  Use it!

Never in a Million Years

Never in a million years would I have expected that I would have a blog about upcycling and it would feature articles on upcycling myself!  As of this week, I’m proud to say I’ve lost 21 lbs.  I’m in a weight loss challenge I entered in October, 2018 on HealthyWage.com.  I haven’t weighed this amount since 2004!  Something about putting the money down makes me work harder.  I can’t afford to lose the challenge!  I HAVE to win! 

2004 was the year I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  My diagnosis revealed that the type of cancer I had was not the hormone-receptive kind.  Today, that kind of cancer is called TNBC or Triple Negative Breast Cancer.  It means that some cancers are fed by hormones, especially estrogen, and some are not.  When we gain weight, and I was mildly obese at the time, we produce excessive estrogen and that promotes the development of mutated cells and helps them to multiply.  The mutated cells soon become cancer cells. Normally, about 80% of the time, breast cancer that’s hormone fed is a slower-growing kind of cancer.  Mine was not that.  Mine was a rapidly growing cancer in an unknown location.  First they said ductal, then lobular and then medullary (in the middle).  They said it was fast growing and the most dangerous kind. 

I was considered to be a Stage III on the scale of severity because of the size of the tumor.  Stage IV is the last stage.  Stage III is when the cancer may or may not have broken loose and travelled to other areas of the body.  They just weren’t quite sure what mine was doing.  It should have broken loose by now because it was a pretty large tumor; about the size of a large paper-shell pecan.

So, I went through all the “things” that were required for my specific bout with  cancer.  In the last half of my chemo treatments, they gave me steroids to offset some of the harsh effects of the poison.  The steroids caused me to instantly gain 20 lbs.  It was steroids and the fact that I had zero taste buds in my mouth (burned off by other harsh ingredients in the poison) that I packed on the pounds.  I kept trying to taste the food and never got the taste buds satisfied!  Fortunately, I was still liking food.  In my Mom’s eyes, that was a good sign!

While fighting breast cancer, and losing my membership within my Indian Tribe (another devastating blow to me), I easily lost something inside and forget who I was.  Before I had breast cancer, I had a long list of things I wanted to do, see and be.  If you know me at all, I have tried all kinds of things, had a dozen different hobbies, a variety of jobs and several business ventures!  It’s kind of a curse when you are a mixture of the person that can do anything and the person who wants to do everything! 

After cancer, my perspective on life changed.  I lost the fire inside.  I was two classes away from getting my Master’s degree (with a 4.0 grade average) and I really didn’t care anymore.  I just wanted to be home and close to my family; my safety net.  People around me, especially my totally supportive husband, were optimistic, but I hid from them the mental and emotional suffering I was dealing with inside.

Little by little I tried a few things to help myself, but mainly, I was back in bed with the covers over my head (I’ve heard it was the family coping mechanism).  I know I was struggling more than I should have been and could have used some help a lot sooner than I actually got it.  I’ve struggled with depression since my teenage years, but this was so much stronger.

I found Peptalk in 2018, but only started using it every day a few months ago.  I turn it on while I wash dishes by hand.  After a couple of weeks, I noticed I was working faster and walking with a little pep in my step.  All I had to do is listen and I felt better and better and better.  I’m so much stronger today, 21 lbs. lighter (finally!) and filled with hope.  This self-imposed upcycling project is coming along nicely!  I can’t wait to share more of my journey with you!

Yarn Becomes Vintage Too!

It's winter and the most relaxing craft for me during the coldest days is crochet.  This week I learned a waffle stitch and I'm using it on scarves for my Etsy store.  I love a fluffy scarf, so this is perfect!  I used my Mom's bulky Boucle' yarn I found in some of her craft storage.  I think she bought it in the 80's!  She packed it nicely with dryer sheets to keep them fresh smelling, so I'm continuing with that technique!

These scarves are so plush and warm for the cold, cold winter.  They bounce  a little when you handle them and keep you snuggled inside your coat.  They measure around 55" long and about 7" wide.  

Mom never learned to crochet, but was an excellent knitter!  It's funny that I didn't pick up knitting.  She would knit pull-over sweaters for us in a variety of colors for school and work.  I found three sweaters she was last working on and I'm not throwing them away.  They are going to become pillows as soon as I can get to them.  

I hope you're enjoying a good craft indoors while it's cold outside. 

Reloved

Hi friends!

I just want to send you this love letter today.  I just posted my new logo yesterday and as I went through the process of deciding my tagline, many revelations in my mind occurred!  So...here I am, upcycling and creating things.  I'm reloving the unlovable objects from thrift stores, flee markets and auctions.  I've even chosen my Grandmother's name as my store name; reloving her spirit for life and living.  Then it dawned on me that we all need to learn to relove ourselves.

Has life thrown you a few punches?  It has for me!  I've pushed through some tough times and sought counselling, self-help books, motivational speakers, sermons and one-on-one conversations all my life in search of the "thing" that will bring me happiness.  I had some glimpses of the message I needed to receive, but it's coming in very clear now!  What is it?  It's so simple it was easy for me to overlook all this time.  It's "reloving" myself.  It's becoming interested in me.  It's realizing I'm an amazing creation of God!  Everything he made he called good!  That includes me!

I want to share with you my journey in this blog and some inspirational bits I'm receiving on a daily basis.  But most importantly, I want to give you a gift today.  It's an app you can download on your phone called Peptalk.  It's a wonderful free source of encouragement you can get every day.  Turn it on while you're creating or cleaning.  Listen to it as you drift asleep at night or during a walk or jog.  The app has a mysterious way of changing those negative taped messages in your head into positive inspirational thoughts.  If you can't love yourself right now, then you must turn this on and let it do the work for you.  You don't have to get dressed and go out into the world....just listen while you work.

Here's to being "reloved!"