Never in a Million Years

Never in a million years would I have expected that I would have a blog about upcycling and it would feature articles on upcycling myself!  As of this week, I’m proud to say I’ve lost 21 lbs.  I’m in a weight loss challenge I entered in October, 2018 on HealthyWage.com.  I haven’t weighed this amount since 2004!  Something about putting the money down makes me work harder.  I can’t afford to lose the challenge!  I HAVE to win! 

2004 was the year I was diagnosed with breast cancer.  My diagnosis revealed that the type of cancer I had was not the hormone-receptive kind.  Today, that kind of cancer is called TNBC or Triple Negative Breast Cancer.  It means that some cancers are fed by hormones, especially estrogen, and some are not.  When we gain weight, and I was mildly obese at the time, we produce excessive estrogen and that promotes the development of mutated cells and helps them to multiply.  The mutated cells soon become cancer cells. Normally, about 80% of the time, breast cancer that’s hormone fed is a slower-growing kind of cancer.  Mine was not that.  Mine was a rapidly growing cancer in an unknown location.  First they said ductal, then lobular and then medullary (in the middle).  They said it was fast growing and the most dangerous kind. 

I was considered to be a Stage III on the scale of severity because of the size of the tumor.  Stage IV is the last stage.  Stage III is when the cancer may or may not have broken loose and travelled to other areas of the body.  They just weren’t quite sure what mine was doing.  It should have broken loose by now because it was a pretty large tumor; about the size of a large paper-shell pecan.

So, I went through all the “things” that were required for my specific bout with  cancer.  In the last half of my chemo treatments, they gave me steroids to offset some of the harsh effects of the poison.  The steroids caused me to instantly gain 20 lbs.  It was steroids and the fact that I had zero taste buds in my mouth (burned off by other harsh ingredients in the poison) that I packed on the pounds.  I kept trying to taste the food and never got the taste buds satisfied!  Fortunately, I was still liking food.  In my Mom’s eyes, that was a good sign!

While fighting breast cancer, and losing my membership within my Indian Tribe (another devastating blow to me), I easily lost something inside and forget who I was.  Before I had breast cancer, I had a long list of things I wanted to do, see and be.  If you know me at all, I have tried all kinds of things, had a dozen different hobbies, a variety of jobs and several business ventures!  It’s kind of a curse when you are a mixture of the person that can do anything and the person who wants to do everything! 

After cancer, my perspective on life changed.  I lost the fire inside.  I was two classes away from getting my Master’s degree (with a 4.0 grade average) and I really didn’t care anymore.  I just wanted to be home and close to my family; my safety net.  People around me, especially my totally supportive husband, were optimistic, but I hid from them the mental and emotional suffering I was dealing with inside.

Little by little I tried a few things to help myself, but mainly, I was back in bed with the covers over my head (I’ve heard it was the family coping mechanism).  I know I was struggling more than I should have been and could have used some help a lot sooner than I actually got it.  I’ve struggled with depression since my teenage years, but this was so much stronger.

I found Peptalk in 2018, but only started using it every day a few months ago.  I turn it on while I wash dishes by hand.  After a couple of weeks, I noticed I was working faster and walking with a little pep in my step.  All I had to do is listen and I felt better and better and better.  I’m so much stronger today, 21 lbs. lighter (finally!) and filled with hope.  This self-imposed upcycling project is coming along nicely!  I can’t wait to share more of my journey with you!